Are all Sith Lords pedos?

 The Sith are angry, backstabbing, maniacs who hate the Jedi. One of the main reasons they are angry maniacs is because they were abused as children.
 Take Darth Maul for example, he was abducted by Palpatine as a child and trained as a Sith. Now fortunately for Palpatine, Darth Maul was put out of his misery before he could get revenge on his abuser.
 Sith Lord-Sith Apprentice relationship is the same as priest-choir boy, except choir boys end up committing suicide where as Sith Apprentices stab their Lords in the back and go on to be Lords themselves and abuse the children of the star wars universe. 
 So what is the lesson of todays story? Well if you are one with the dark side, then that probably means you had an old man ramming his cock down your throat as a child.

Famous people I want to punch in the face!

This week I want to punch Stallone right between the eyes. The action film of all action films?? haha yeah right, all that means is more explosions and more cheesy one liners. Thanks a lot Sly you cunt.
I am sick to death (exaggaration) of over the top cheesy hollywood blockbuster churn outs, and the expendables is no exception. I want to watch a movie with a bit of substance but since most people have simple minds they are simply happy with an action movie full of 80s throwbacks... well I am not bought that easy!
Most people like to watch far fetch movies like Sly's new one because they want to escape in some fantasy world of one liners and ridiculous car chases...well I take a lot of LSD, I don't need to escape, so bring on the realism!

Famous people I want to punch in the face

This week I want to punch Tim Burton in the face. He was the Director of that movie with Johnny Depp in it (oh wait, Mr.Johnny "small hands" Depp is in all his movies). I want to punch Tim in the face for what he did to the movie Batman (1989)...why you may ask?
 Simply because we know who the Joker is, "Jack Napier"... wow talk about ruining the entire batman franchise. We never know who the Joker is, that is the whole idea of the Joker. He is an unstable freak who doesn't quite know who he is either. Here is a quote from the Joker when talking to a shrink about his past "well I wake up and I remember it one way, the next day I remember it another way, if I am going to have a past, it might as well be a multiple choice".
 The reason the Joker is such an amazing villain is because he is so mysterious, no one knows anything about him. This is really important to the Batman vs Joker relationship. The Joker does not want to know who Batman is (because that would spoil the fun... but in the movie Joker finds out Batmans true identity), and the Batman will never know who the Joker is either. Yet Tim Burton thought it would be a good idea to completely ruin that relationship.
 Here is another mistake Tim made, he killed off the Joker... what a prick, he actually kills off the Joker.

 Anyway, the whole completely ruining the Batman film is the main reason I want to punch Tim in the face. Also because his movies suck arsehole, ever see that headless horsemen film? yeah I know, it was cheesy rubbish. Actually those two are the only movies I have seen of his... 


 

Life as a schizofrenic rapist

At the age of 14 I ran away from the travelling circus act  my parents were a part of, and lived on the streets of East Germany, since then I have became a tremendous liar with a drink problem.
I guess it all started when I met my bestfriend "Red, the Ginger Blackman". Obviously with him being black and me being a delinquent we started drug dealing. Our hotspot for selling drugs was outside a secondary school as we pretended to be selling fast food when in fact we were getting the kids hooked on heroin.
  Then we came into the hectic 80s and I discovered Ecstasy and pussy. By then Ginger Blackman and myself gave up selling drugs to kids and we became doormen/drug dealers. It wasn't really the life I wanted, sure the liquid LSD was great, and drug enhanced sex with women I don't respect was even better... but I wanted more, so I formed a band.
Being part of the Dire Straits was really fun, after writing and recording the "Sultans of Swing" I really felt like I had acheived something. Days on the road, producing some amazing guitar licks in exchange for groupies was the way I wanted to live life, then I fell in love. I do admit that we rushed things, but my love for my new partner was to great. Within 6 weeks we got married and my beloved Jay Leno fell pregnant. He gave birth to a strong healthy boy, we named him Quentin...Quentin Tarantino.
The marriage didn't last, I don't know why, I can't remember... I was too heavily medicated. Life was unbearable, I was drinking out of control, having unprotected sex with black prostitutes, and taking too much LSD. The states I would get myself into were quite scary, I would be told the version of events the next day and I would promise myself that I would never ever get into a state like that. Unfortunately that is when I met my old friend Ginger Blackman in the VIP room of some London nightclub.
 Ginger Blackman had dyed his hair black and was a soul singer, his stage name was "Marvin Gay". We decided to get shit faced for old times sake. But he made a joke about my mom being a circus freak so I shot him. Luckily he survived the ordeal but the LSD he had taken had completely cleared his memory. I had been kicked out of the Dire Straits and had no work, and all my money had been squandered on drugs and women. So me and my bestfriend Ginger Blackman started our own band. It took him a while but he learned the guitar (bit out of tune though) and he wrote the song Voodoo Child, I was the bass player. We were an instant hit and our coffers were soon replenished, so we decided to buy a whole load of drugs... and the rest is history